While the honest working man groans under the crushing weight of skyrocketing prices and wartime inflation, Vice President JD Vance boasts of a high-flying life of luxury with private jets and personal chefs. This glaring disconnect mirrors a White House increasingly detached from the common crowd, as they squash local wind power and target the nation's beloved museums. Citizens now wonder if the halls of power have lost all touch with the hard-scrabble realities of the American streets.
**THE DAILY ENQUIRER**
*Late Night Edition – Five Cents*
*July 10, 2026*
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### **HIGH HAT IN THE HIGH OFFICE!**
#### **While the Working Man Sweats for His Bread, Washington Big Wigs Live the Life of Riley!**
#### *Vice President Vance Boasts of "Army of Cooks" and Private Aeroplanes as Inflation Squeezes the Common Citizen Dry!*
**WASHINGTON —** While the average Joe finds his pockets picked clean by the rising cost of coal, rent, and stew meat—exacerbated by the unending, bloody fracas in Persia—the big wigs in the capital are putting on the ritz!
Take our very own Vice President, JD Vance. Pulling in a handsome official salary of $235,100 clams a year, the nation’s second-in-command sat down before the wireless microphone on Thursday with Mike Rowe of *Dirty Jobs* fame. During this chinwag, Vance did not hesitate to brag about his ritzy new lifestyle.
"My life is—dude, totally transformed," Vance chirped, prompting a chuckle from his host.
No more standing in the grocery queue or sweating over a hot stove for this high-flyer. "People go to the grocery store for me," Vance boasted. "Most of my meals... I don’t have to cook anymore because I have an army of people willing to cook my food."
If that doesn’t take the cake, the Vice President revealed he now hops about the country on a private 757 aeroplane, skipping the dreaded security lines altogether. He did offer one moment of self-reflection, admitting: "It’s so weird, but it can become the sort of thing that if you internalize it, you start to become an entitled asshole."
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### **THE GROCERY BLUES: TRUMP LABELS BREAD-BUYING "OLD-FASHIONED"**
#### *White House Out of Touch as Mid-Class Dream Dies*
This high-society coddling may explain why President Donald Trump recently spun a dizzying yarn, claiming that honest citizens need to show their papers and identification just to buy a loaf of bread. Even stranger, the President told leaders of the United Arab Emirates last year that "groceries" is nothing but a dusty, outmoded term.
"We have a term ‘groceries,’" Trump muttered. "It’s an old term... but it’s an old-fashioned sound."
Tell that to the working class! A Gallup poll from April reveals that keeping the kitchen pantry stocked is the number-one worry for voters heading to the ballot box. Earlier this year, a New York Times/Siena poll found a whopping 65 percent of voters believe a middle-class life is entirely out of reach, while 77 percent say grabbin’ that brass ring is far harder today than a generation ago.
Yet, on Friday morning, President Trump torpedoed a bipartisan housing bill designed to put roofs over workers' heads. Why? A futile attempt to force Congress to pass his controversial voter identification scheme, the "SAVE America Act."
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### **SABOTAGE ON THE PRAIRIE!**
#### **Trump’s Personal Grudge Halts $1.6 Billion in Wind Power Projects!**
**ST. PAUL, MINN. —** To satisfy a bitter personal vendetta dating back to a row over wind turbines near his Scottish golf resort, President Trump has declared war on the modern windmill!
Upon taking office, the President signed a decree freezing all wind power permits. Though that order fell apart in court last month, Interior Secretary Doug Burgum has kept the brakes on, insisting he must personally approve every permit.
"We have not approved one windmill since I’ve been in office. And we’re going to keep it that way," Trump crowed in March.
This anti-green crusade has stalled over 250 projects nationwide—representing a staggering $1.6 billion in investments. In the Gopher State of Minnesota, four grand wind projects sit dead in the water. These projects would have brought 5,600 jobs and $168 million clams to the local economy, producing 1,119 megawatts of electricity—more than the state's nuclear plant! Instead, the federal government is using public funds to buy out the developers just to keep the turbines from spinning.
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### **RED SCARE AT THE SMITHSONIAN!**
#### **White House Branding Historic Museum "Anti-American"**
**WASHINGTON —** A storm is brewing over the nation’s attic! The White House’s Domestic Policy Council has launched a blistering 162-page tirade against the legendary Smithsonian Institution, branding the National Museum of American History an extremist, "anti-white, anti-American" outfit captured by radical red ideology.
The President’s men went so far as to suggest that warning labels be slapped on the museum’s doors, reading: *"Warning: the exhibits in this museum were prepared by people who don’t want you to love your country."*
Lonnie Bunch, the Smithsonian’s first Black chief, fired back with supreme moxie in an internal letter. Defending his staff, Bunch declared the White House report a gross misrepresentation, writing: "Our work is driven by scholarship, accuracy, and an uncompromising commitment to tell the fullness of America’s story."
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### **THE GREAT BEEF BUNCOMBE!**
#### **Trump Tries to Steal Walmart’s Thunder in Ribeye Row**
In a bid to play the champion of the dinner pail, President Trump took to his soapbox Monday, claiming he personally ordered the retail giant Walmart to slash its prices by 15 percent on ground beef to celebrate the nation’s 250th birthday.
"A big win for Americans!" cheered White House press flack Kush Desai, lambasting the press for doubting the boss.
But Walmart spilled the beans! A spokesperson for the department store giant revealed their summer "rollback" sale on barbecue goods was already underway before Trump ever opened his mouth. Though Trump’s Agriculture Department did try to pressure the grocer, Walmart told them the price cuts were already on the books.
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### **THE WAR ON WHISKERS!**
#### **Hegseth Demands Military "De-Woke" Its Chins!**
**PENTAGON —** War Secretary Pete Hegseth is in a towering rage over the military's scruffy faces!
Nearly a year after his infamous "No More Beardos" speech at Quantico, the shaving-mad chief is privately fuming that commanders are not enforcing his strict grooming code fast enough. Hegseth’s decree ruthlessly snips away shaving waivers—a move that heavily penalizes Black doughboys, 45 to 83 percent of whom suffer from painful razor bumps when forced to scrape their faces daily.
Under the new iron-fisted rule, even medical exemptions are strictly capped at 12 months.
Spokesman Sean Parnell defended the chief’s anger, stating that Hegseth expects commanders to lead by example. As Hegseth himself barked during his Quantico assembly: "Calling someone to shave... is exactly the kind of workforce we want. The era of rampant and ridiculous shaving profiles is done!"